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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 12, 2015 8:47:53 GMT 9
Hi guys,
So since it's a slow season at work for quite a few of us, I thought it might be fun and productive to have a thread where we can all tackle translations together, and share feedback/comments/tips. This should be especially useful for people like me who want extra translation practice but were not able to attend the T&I workshop or do the course.
The general premise is this: Find something online that piques your interest, and try to translate it. Then post the original and your translation, as well as any questions you have or difficulties you encountered while translating. Your fellow CIRs can then try translating it themselves, give you advice and feedback, and/or share what they might have done differently.
To keep this organized, here's a few ground rules:
1. Don't post anything you're actually doing for work in this thread. There are other threads for advice on work stuff. Let's keep this strictly as something we do during our downtime.
2. Post articles, poems, essays, flyers, whatever you want, but try to keep it short. A few paragraphs is ideal, but probably no more than a page at most.
3. Copy/paste both the original Japanese and your translation into the thread. Post a link to the original source whenever possible as well.
4. It should go without saying, but keep it civil in here. This thread is supposed to be to help each other, so we can all expect to make a few mistakes as we improve. This probably won't be a problem because we are all mild mannered, good-looking individuals.
Now that we've gotten all that out of the way, レッツ Translating!
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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 12, 2015 8:48:10 GMT 9
Allow me to start: Link: www3.nhk.or.jp/news/html/20150311/k10010011561000.html米 ウクライナ東部でロシア軍兵士４００人超死亡アメリカ政府高官は、ウクライナ東部での戦闘にロシア軍の兵士が送り込まれていて、このうち４００人から５００人が死亡したという見方を示すとともに、ロシア政府が死亡した兵士の家族に対して騒ぎを起こさないよう圧力をかけていると非難しました。 アメリカ政府でヨーロッパやロシアに関する政策を担当するヌーランド国務次官補は１０日、議会上院外交委員会の公聴会でウクライナ情勢について証言しました。 この中でヌーランド次官補は、ウクライナ東部の情勢について、多くの地区で停戦が守られているとする一方、ここ数日の間にロシア軍の戦車や大砲などが新たにウクライナに運び込まれたのが確認されたとして、ロシアを強くけん制しました。 そのうえで、「ロシア政府に命じられて戦地に送り込まれた数百人の若者が命を落とした」と述べ、ウクライナ東部に送られた兵士のうち４００人から５００人が戦死したという見方を示しました。 ヌーランド次官補は、さらに、「戦死者の母親や妻、それに子どもたちは、『補償が欲しければ多くを問わず、騒ぎを起こすな』と言われている」と述べ、ロシア政府が遺族に圧力をかけていると非難しました。
US - Russian Troop Deaths in Eastern Ukraine Exceed 400A high-ranking US government official believes that between 400 and 500 of the deployed Russian soldiers have died in the SMACKDOWNing in eastern Ukraine. She also criticized the Russian government for putting pressure on the families of the deceased soldiers not to cause a stir. At a public hearing of the United States Senate Committee on Foreign Relations, Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland, who is in charge of U.S. government policy in Europe and Russia, gave a testimony regarding the current situation in Ukraine. In her testimony, Assistant Secretary Nuland spoke of the situation in eastern Ukraine and strongly cautioned Russia, saying that although in many regions the ceasefire was being maintained, there has been confirmation in the past several days of Russian tanks and artillery being brought into Ukraine once again. In addition, Nuland stated that “hundreds of young men have lost their lives after being sent to the front lines under orders from the Russian government,” and claimed that between 400 and 500 of the troops deployed to eastern Ukraine have died in combat. Nuland further criticized Russia for pressuring bereaved family members, stating that “the mothers, wives, and children of the slain soldiers were told `if you want to receive the death benefits, don’t ask too many questions and don’t cause a stir. `” Comments: The trickiest part of this article for me was 「ロシアを強くけん制しました」. This was the first time I encountered the word けん制.” According to Weblio it means 「相手が何かをしようとしている時に、その動きを封じ込めるために、威圧したり威嚇したり注意したりすること。」I don’t think we really have an equivalent word in English, but sometimes this gets used to mean “to check” like “to check someone’s progress/advance.” My supervisor explained that in this case, Nuland was trying to prevent Russia from any further aggression by saying the US was fully aware that they were bringing weapons into Ukraine despite the ceasefire. “cautioned” is what I ended up going with, but I think something like “condemned” or maybe even “warned” might work, as might leaving that part out altogether. Unfortunately, I couldn’t watch the video in the link at work, so the quotes from Nuland are just my best guess. I’d be interested in seeing what she actually said and comparing it to my quotes. |
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Post by Shimanchu 2024 on Mar 12, 2015 8:50:09 GMT 9
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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 12, 2015 8:58:15 GMT 9
I don't see anything under the "Allow me to start:" That was to reserve the post, it should be edited in now. |
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Post by Shimanchu 2024 on Mar 12, 2015 9:00:51 GMT 9
Oh ok
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keio chris
Dead Stargod 
ever looked a star dragon in the eyes?
Posts: 3,043
CIR Experience: Former CIR
Location: Tokyo
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Post by keio chris on Mar 12, 2015 9:07:42 GMT 9
This looks real legit bro. I have to somehow translate an entire "magazine" today (it's only 4 pages admittedly) so if I have time/can be arsed after that, I'll be on this.
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Post by rhfs on Mar 12, 2015 9:09:48 GMT 9
I'm one of the least (if not the least) experienced translators here so don't take my comments too seriously, but I think you did a pretty good job with it.
The only thing that kind of stuck out to me was your choice to use "death benefits". Is this a thing normally said? I understand why you chose to translate 補償 that way but it sounded odd to me. I did a bit of Googling and apparently "death gratuity" is a thing used by the US Military, so maybe use that instead?
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Post by ザ・penguin54 on Mar 12, 2015 9:16:31 GMT 9
She said "hundreds of young Russians have also lost their lives in Eastern Ukraine, sent there to SMACKDOWN and die by the Kremlin" for the first quote. the second quote doesn't come up in the vid.
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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 12, 2015 9:16:47 GMT 9
I'm one of the least (if not the least) experienced translators here so don't take my comments too seriously, but I think you did a pretty good job with it. The only thing that kind of stuck out to me was your choice to use "death benefits". Is this a thing normally said? I understand why you chose to translate 補償 that way but it sounded odd to me. I did a bit of Googling and apparently "death gratuity" is a thing used by the US Military, so maybe use that instead? Ah yeah, that was another one I sort of struggled with. I agree that "death benefits" probably isn't the best translation for 補償. I think I googled something like "money that families of kia soldiers receive" or something and a couple of different places had death benefits written on it. If the military actually uses "Death gratuity" then that might be better, but to my ears that sounds so....I don't know, morbid? Like calling it a "death bonus" or something, like it's something you would actually want to happen, haha. |
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Post by むちゃRABU❤ on Mar 12, 2015 9:21:51 GMT 9
I will come back and read your translation later Freighnos, but just FYI for everyone here as well, there was a short novel translating competition a while back that my CIR-mate posted on FB (I forgot to post it here sorry and I didn't take part) and the winning entries are out. www.kurodahan.com/mt/e/khpprize/2014prize.pdf is the PDF. Scroll to the bottom for the original Japanese then feel free to read all the other entries. Since it's a pdf you may even PRINT it for easier reading (I might do that) |
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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 12, 2015 9:43:43 GMT 9
I will come back and read your translation later Freighnos, but just FYI for everyone here as well, there was a short novel translating competition a while back that my CIR-mate posted on FB (I forgot to post it here sorry and I didn't take part) and the winning entries are out. www.kurodahan.com/mt/e/khpprize/2014prize.pdf is the PDF. Scroll to the bottom for the original Japanese then feel free to read all the other entries. Since it's a pdf you may even PRINT it for easier reading (I might do that) Hey thanks, this is pretty cool! The part on translation conventions is really helpful. |
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Graeme Howard
Dead Stargod
always movin
Posts: 1,411 
CIR Experience: 4th year
Location: Gifu
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Post by Graeme Howard on Mar 12, 2015 10:02:20 GMT 9
This information will be largely useless for most people, but I will share it with you as you are a fellow nerd.
RE: けん制
In SMACKDOWNing games like Street SMACKDOWNer, characters have access to a wide array of moves. 通常技 （つうじょうわざ）are normal attacks (jab, short, forward, fierce, etc.) accessed by hitting a single button, whereas 必殺技 （ひっさつわざ）are special moves like Ryu's Hadouken or Shoryuken.
けん制技（けんせいわざ） are a kind of 通常技, typically referring to light attacks that have fast start-up (edit: i mean, like, fast start-up frames. like a move that is active on the third frame. [this is complicated maybe i shouldn't have brought this up]) and long reach. These are called "pokes" in English, and "けん制技" in Japanese because they are literally used to keep your opponent in check.
your translation itself was fine
but yeah death benefits is weird. the proper term is apparently "death gratuity," (source: military.com) (also, families of the deceased get $100,000. life is pretty ふｃきんｇ cheap, huh?) but i would have also been 100% cool with "compensation."
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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 12, 2015 11:14:10 GMT 9
Compensation, that's the word!
Also I appreciate the primer. I actually followed all of that. I'm not good enough to play SMACKDOWNing games competitively but I do know all of the (English) terminology.
$100,000 eh? That's not a lot of money especially once you consider the funeral costs....><
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keio chris
Dead Stargod
ever looked a star dragon in the eyes?
Posts: 3,043
CIR Experience: Former CIR
Location: Tokyo
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Post by keio chris on Mar 12, 2015 11:17:59 GMT 9
It often comes out as "reparations" when it's referring to a country having to cough up money to others for losing in a war.
Although that's probably 弁償/弁償金 rather than 補償 now that I think about it.
Man, I need to stop looking at the forums. This magazine is not getting done today at this rate and I leave at 10:30 tomorrow for the DOU.
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Post by rhfs on Mar 12, 2015 11:19:00 GMT 9
Compensation, that's the word! Also I appreciate the primer. I actually followed all of that. I'm not good enough to play SMACKDOWNing games competitively but I do know all of the (English) terminology. $100,000 eh? That's not a lot of money especially once you consider the funeral costs....>< Funerals are optional |
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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 12, 2015 11:28:26 GMT 9
It often comes out as "reparations" when it's referring to a country having to cough up money to others for losing in a war. Although that's probably 弁償/弁償金 rather than 補償 now that I think about it. Man, I need to stop looking at the forums. This magazine is not getting done today at this rate and I leave at 10:30 tomorrow for the DOU. Yeah that's like Germany having to pay reparations to other countries after WWI. I think here we're just talking about the government giving money to the families of soldiers KIA. First I've seen 弁償金 though so that's useful to know. |
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sana
So jozu at chopsticks
Posts: 171
CIR Experience: Former CIR
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Post by sana on Mar 17, 2015 11:00:23 GMT 9
This is an awesome thread, The Occasional Freighnos. I've been thinking of getting translators accreditation at some point (needed to work in Oz) so the more practice the better! Also it's so interesting seeing different takes on stuff from the perspective of different Englishes. * けん制 - I agree that 'condemned' or maybe even 'sanctioned' might work in this context? (a new word for me too) * This might be an English dialect thing, but 'death benefits' is a standard phrase used here, alongside compensation. Also for civilians in relation to a payout from life insurance or superannuation. * Is 'gave a testimony' a standard phrase? I would omit the 'a' and have 'gave testimony'. * What do you think about 'cause a stir' in the first para? I like the translation for 騒ぎを起こす and I see that it's the same in both places, but it feels a bit idiomatic when it's used as part of the text, although obvs not as part of the quote. Is it just me? I can't think of what else you'd use, in any case. |
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Post by The Occasional Freighnos on Mar 18, 2015 16:20:32 GMT 9
Sana: I think "gave testimony" sounds fine but maybe a little stiff to me. "Gave a testimony" sounds a bit more natural to my ears but that's probably just an American English convention. Maybe instead of "cause a stir" you could say "stir up trouble" or "cause trouble" but I'm not really sure either. I think "騒ぎを起こす" is itself a bit too casual/idiomatic for regular newspaper writing but since it's part of a quote (or at least paraphrasing a quote) maybe it's acceptable? If I finish all my other stuff next week I'll try to do another one of these, but in the meantime I'd love if other people added their own!  |
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lifeup
Straight outta Narita
Posts: 43
CIR Experience: 4th year
Location: Hiroshima
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Post by lifeup on Mar 18, 2015 17:34:57 GMT 9
Nothing of my own to post, but this might help some people? The editorials on Mainichi’s website are usually pretty good for translation practice—just pick an article, scroll to the bottom for the link to the original Japanese article, translate the Japanese, and then compare your translation to the English one they have. You might need to make an account to access the Japanese articles but it’s free. |
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Post by ♦EarlBergamot♦ on Nov 10, 2017 13:07:12 GMT 9
This thread needs to be revived...... So here's hoping for some feedback!
Title, words, anything that's strange and needs revision.
Took this from a printed article so there's no URL.
ローマと結び情報網 Information Network – Ties with Rome
西日本 2017.11.2
日本にキリスト教を伝えたフランシスコ・ザビエル。教科書でもおなじみのこの聖人は、カトリック教会の修道会・イエズス会の創設メンバーです。イエズス会は世界各地での伝道に力を入れており、そのためザビエルをはじめとする同会の宣教師たちが日本を目指してやってきました。
この手紙を書いたアントニーノ・プレネスティーノも、同会に所属したイタリア出身の宣教師です。同時滞在していた平戸（現在長崎県平戸市）から、京都に居る同僚のルイス・フロ
イスに送った手紙の「原資料」が現存しています。
実は、宣教師の手紙は数多く残っています。しかし、その大半は版本や写真、あるいはボロボロの状態です。ところが、この手紙は直筆のオリジナルとして貴重であることに加え、保存状態がとてもいいです。
この手紙は、1587年に豊臣秀吉が筑前の箱崎（現福岡市）でバテレン追放令を発し、キリシタン大名の高山右近に棄教を迫ったことが生々しく報告されています。また、手紙を受け取ったフロイスが「1587年日本の都」とメモを書き込んでいるのも見所です。
ところで、宣教師たちにとって手紙を書くことは個人同士の通信のためだけではありませんでした。布教で赴いた土地の情勢や宣教に有益なノウハウを、ローマの本部に伝えるシステムが出来ていました。世界各地から組織的に情報を吸い上げる手段が、この資料のような手紙だったのです。
St. Francis Xavier, recorded in Japanese textbooks as the missionary that brought Christianity to Japan, was also a co-founder of the Society of Jesus. The Society of Jesus was engaged in missionary work in various countries, which brought Xavier, the first of the missionaries, to Japan.
Italian-born missionary Antonino Prenestino who penned this letter also belonged to the same society. The original manuscript, written while he was in Hirado (modern day Hirado City, Nagasaki) and sent to a fellow missionary Ruis Frois in Kyoto, still exists.
In fact, many letters written by missionaries remain. However, most of them are woodblock prints, photographs, or in a tattered state. Nevertheless, this letter was well preserved, and being the original makes it even more valuable.
This letter is a vivid report of the suppression of Portuguese Jesuits in 1587 under the edict issued by Toyotomi Hideyoshi, and as a result then feudal lord Takayama Ukon was forced to renounce Christianity. Frois’ footnote of [XXcity of Japan] and year [1587] is also one of the highlights of this letter.
To the missionaries, letters were not merely a means of communication between individuals. It was also a system for the missionaries to report on the current state of affairs of the local community or best method of propagation. These letters were a wealth of information and used as a means to systematically acquire news about different communities.
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